There's so much I could say about this man, but even all these years later, most of it is still too emotional for me to go through. Instead, I choose today to focus on all the good and not let the tears fall. Not today.
So, I'll just say, I love you Dad and I miss you!
When I first set out to lose weight, I had myself convinced that I knew what I would look like when I was finished. As I said before, I never really set out to lose 100+ pounds. But, now that I have, things are not exactly as I pictured them.
In short, I thought when I was done with my weight loss, I'd be perfect. Perfect little butt and thighs, no leftover fat anywhere on my body and I would be able to look in the mirror and see the ideal staring back at me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm amazed every day at what my body can do and how it looks now. But, I still have a bit of a belly, that I lovingly refer to as my "bagel" (uncooked, as my skin is as pale as uncooked dough.) My thighs are not free from jiggle and my boobs, well, let's just say my boobs are a bit deflated these days.
But, the one thing I've learned in this whole process is that perfection, whatever that means, is not only unattainable (when you really get down to it), but not even really all that desirable. I'd rather have a body capable of doing things like swimming lap after lap and lifting weight I never thought I'd be able to heft. A body that no matter how much I wish it would listen to me, will probably always have some flaw, real or imagined that I wish would be different. Wasting my time worrying about a little flab here and there is no longer something I'm willing to put myself through. I've got too much to do!
*The photos on this blog are both of Britney Spears, from 2011. The one on the left is airbrushed and "perfected". The one on the right is actually her. So much for perfection, even for the rich and famous.*
June 1st was National Learn to Row Day. Who knew, right? So, I took advantage of the fact that our local rowing club was offering a free tutorial on the basics of skulling, which is two oars. Sweeping is what they call it when you only use one. *There's your fact of the day* I tried my hand at it and while it was very challenging, it was also fun. I got to go out in a two person boat with a lovely instructor who was very helpful and I managed a few good pulls in the open water during our 20 minute session. The pics on this post are from the day.
It was just another way that I found to push myself, to get me out of my comfort zone. (Much like a 5k run through mud and obstacles, which is coming up rather soon.) I decided to try something I'd never done before, just to see if I could. Just to see what it was like. That's something I haven't done for a long time. For years, I avoided even really thinking about doing fun new things because of how I felt about myself and how limited I felt in my old body. While I don't know if anything will come of the rowing thing, it was a fun way to spend a gorgeous Saturday morning.
I've been working on a list of things to do this summer, sort of a Summer Bucket List. I got the idea from a few of the blogs I follow, like this one and this one. It sounded like a great idea, so I've been compiling the list of things I'd like to accomplish before the warm weather disappears.
It isn't comprehensive yet, but I think it's a good start. I challenge the rest of you to come up with your own Summer Bucket List. What do you really, really want to do this year?
Heidi's Summer Bucket List
Do an open water swim
Read at least 10 books
Finish at least four big writing projects
Sell my house!!
If we sell our house, throw a kick ass house-leaving party!
Hike part of the Appalachian Trail
Take a road trip, spontaneous or otherwise
Have a S'more by a fire
Camp in a tent.....maybe a cabin....we'll see
.....not sure about the rest yet..... I'll keep you posted!