Monday, January 30, 2012

It's No Surprise To Me I Am My Own Worst Enemy

It was just one of those weekends. Sometimes, I wonder why my brain works the way it does. I waste so much time fixating on stupid shit that I miss the important stuff. I fritter away time with stuff I can't control, stuff that shouldn't even make a blip on the radar screen, but there it is, tearing up my mind and keeping me from focusing. How do I get it to stop? If someone could answer that for me, I'd give them anything they wanted. A million dollars, a big kiss or something like that.

Anyway, the Man Candy must go on. There's still room for that in my messed up mind.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Now I Find I've Changed My Mind I've Opened Up The Doors

I wanted to thank everyone for their feedback on my post from last week. It was really nice to hear from so many of you on the subject. While the tangible issues of how to make my dream come true remain, I'm more determined than ever to make it happen. So, thanks! It's nice to know I'm not alone.

As I mentioned before, my novella, The Right Wrong Turn is nominated for an LRC award and there are just two more days to vote. So, if you are so inclined, follow this link (and the rules) and vote! Any support would be appreciated. Also, enjoy your weekly dose of Man Candy. That is all!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

We've Reached the End of the Line, I Hope Your Dreams Turn Out Fine

I read this article the other day and I have to admit, it threw me for a bit of a loop. The idea that because I'm 35, it's time to pack it in and resign myself to the life I currently have at first kind of pissed me off. Apparently, gone are the days when I can chase the impossible dreams of my youth or even the last few years because time's up, buddy! Sorry if you missed the boat, but this shit here is for the young. Move along Ma'am!!

On the surface, that might not seem to be such a bad thing. After all, 35 is technically middle age. And, what's wrong with laying down roots, settling down and playing the cards you've been dealt by life? Besides, if you haven't done it by 35, are you ever really going to do it? Seriously, am I ever going to get into a bikini again or hike the Appalachian Trail, or learn to surf or live in a foreign country? Isn't it time to grow up and put aside foolish things and just live a normal life?

As someone who didn't really discover what they wanted to do until after the age of 30, I feel like I arrived a bit late to the party. I spent so much of my twenties battling doubt, uncertainty, grief and a lot of other bullshit that precluded me from finding something I loved to do, let alone running with the bulls or climbing Kilimanjaro. But, now that I love my job and I have a man that I love, suddenly I have to give up the idea of conquering the rest of my life's dreams because it's "too late"?

The idea of closing the door on anything kind of freaks me out. Leaving options open (to a certain extent, anyway) seems like a prudent thing to do. It can sometimes be a bit paralyzing, but I'd rather have more choices than none at all. But, recently, me and the man have made a big decision on that front. We are closing the door on having babies one day.

When I married at 22, everyone told me there was plenty of time for me to come around to the idea of having children. As the years went on, I waited for those feelings to come. And, waited. And, waited. But, they never came. Over the years, having kids came up only in the most hypothetical of sense. We'd joke about what we'd name our fictional children, but when the harsh reality of what raising a child would mean, we were on the same page. It was just too, too, too much. Over the years, we decided on a deadline. By the age of 35, it would be deciding time. It was just to give us some more time to let the baby rabies take hold. Well, 35 has come and we are still no closer to wanting to take the enormous step of having kids. So, for the first time in a long time, we're closing the door to one of life's options.

But, as that door closes, another has been pushed wide open. While many people in my life are concerned with what school district to live in or where to send their adorable progeny to pre-school, we'll have no such considerations. In fact, we'd like to divest ourselves of the roots we have laid down and leave the place we've called home for nearly 10 years. The desire for new horizons is a palpable ache that has taken me by surprise. Ideally, those horizons are very, very far away. But, is it too late to let the tornado take us out of Kansas and drop us smack dab in the middle of Oz? Conventional wisdom would say so. . .

So, that is where I'm at right now. Standing in the middle of 35, wondering if it's too late to turn back or if going forward into more of the same is the only option. The truth is, I just don't know. I'm hoping that I'm not too old or too far along the journey to change directions. Only time will tell, but I'd like to believe I'm not quite done causing trouble yet. We shall see . . .

Monday, January 16, 2012

It's The Perfect Time of Year, Somewhere Far Away From Here

Man, it's too fucking cold outside. My fingers are constantly cold, the tips like little drops of ice. My low blood pressure does me no favors this time of year as my circulation slows to a halt. All the Snuggies in the world couldn't keep me warm, I fear. That is why I'm thinking warm. I've been dreaming of summer while putting the finishing touches on my latest WIP. Well, I guess it's really no longer a WIP as it is finished. I'll have more details for you soon. Now I'm onto a few short stories before I tackle my next project.

To help me heat things up, I decided on a little extra spicy Man Candy. Don't you know, I feel warmer already.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Get In My Car, I'll Let You Ride Shotgun

After a lovely weekend at the Mothership, I'm ready to jump back into work with both feet. I've got two projects desperate to get out the door, but need some words and some polishing before that can happen. So, it is nose-to-the-grindstone time.

But, I got some good news while I was away. My novella, Left of the Dial, is #6 on the Amber Allure December Best Seller list. Needless to say, I'm excited. I love this story and I was hoping that other people would like it too.

Back to work. Enjoy the Man Candy and think of me, fingers clacking away at the keys. Beautiful, isn't he?

Monday, January 2, 2012

Love's Supposed to Keep You Young and Frisky

It's the first Man Candy of the year, so I wanted it to be lovely. And, I think it is. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and is ready to take 2012 by the scruff of the neck and shake it into submission. I know I am.

Before I can do that, there are a few loose ends I need to tie up from 2011. First, One Night Only, edited by the fabulous Violet Blue is available now!! It features my story, Chasing Jared and looks to be a super-hot book. Check it out if you get the chance.

Also, I found out on the last day of the year that my novella, The Right Wrong Turn, has been nominated in the Best Western/Cowboy story category of the Love Romances Cafe Best of 2011 awards. I'll give out more info. about the whole thing as I get it, but needless to say, I was chuffed.

I finished my edits and blurbs for my next project, Picking Up The Spare, which drops on January 29th. So, now I'm ready to move on to my next project. I'm so ready for a fresh, new start and an awesome start to 2012.