Thursday, July 1, 2010

I Was Told I Was Beautiful, But What Does That Mean To You

In 2006, I turned 30 and upon seeing pictures of myself during the celebrations and pictures of myself at my sister's wedding, I immediately decided I had to lose weight. I didn't realize how big I looked because in my head, I was heavy but not that heavy. It made me really unhappy to admit how much weight I had put on in the preceding years. But, I had to be honest with myself and step onto the dreaded scale. The number was bad, really bad. So, with a lot of hard work, I managed to drop 6o pounds and by the time September rolled around in 2007, I was pretty happy with how I looked. Then, I broke my leg and everything fell apart. I told myself as soon as the cast came off, I'd be back on the right track and back to losing weight.

But, getting started again when the plaster came off was more difficult that I imagined. I limped for damn near a month, my ankle swelled and ached for even longer. My energy was completely gone and the thought of exercise was the last thing I could bear. So, the weight began to creep back on, little by little. Recently, when I stepped on the scale and saw that the number was way too close to my 2006 starting point. I panicked, but didn't really start doing anything about it until a few days ago, when I began to reassess my eating habits and strapped on the walking shoes again.

Hating my body isn't a new thing for me, far from it. And, even though I know I'm not alone in feeling bad/indifferent/unhappy about my body, reading this article by Rachel Kramer Bussel really hammered home the idea that my negative feelings about how I look are all too common. I take great pleasure in my body; sometimes. I think I need to remember those moments a little more often and stop focusing on my every flaw. Hating myself has never gotten me anything, except more depressed.I know it is going to be difficult to get healthy again, but cutting myself some slack might be a great place to start.

Now . . . for the good news I had mentioned yesterday. My last project, my first novella attempt, was accepted by Amber Allure and is going to be published in August!!! *dances in circles* The 22nd, to be exact. I'll keep you posted on all the details as I get them, but I'm so excited about this project, I just had to share. I need to sit down, all that dancing has made me dizzy.


Jo said...

Beautiful news, Heidi :)

Heidi Champa said...

Thanks, Jo!!