Thursday, May 14, 2009

I Might Like You Better If We Slept Together

While I was out with my good friend Janis, trying to mend her broken heart with liquor, we got to talking about sex. Shocking, I know. Two drunk girls talking about sex. Anyway, she informed me that if she slept with one more guy, she'd officially be in slut territory. Now, I won't reveal her number (or mine either), but sufficed to say, it is, in my humble opinion, no where near slut territory. Slut and Janis aren't even in the same area code. And, I don't even believe in sluttiness. Not really.

But, it made me wonder why she would think so. I mean, what number makes a slut? 5, 10, 25? When you think about it, if you start having sex when you are 16, and you are 32 now, and you've been with 25 people, that's less than 3 people a year. That is no slut.

I don't mind the word slut, I guess I just don't like what it means. Sex shouldn't have so many damned labels. Certainly not ones that make you feel bad. Your number of partners is your number. It isn't good or bad. It's just choices. And, arbitrary value judgments on numbers of partners is crazy--for men or women. People feel bad when it's too high, and bad when it's too low. I say enough already. Sex is wonderful and we should start treating it better.

That is part of the reason I do what I do. We shouldn't shy away from our sexuality, or try and regulate it by labeling it bad or slutty. With erotica, and sharing my writing with other people, I hope that in some small way I can make sex a more positive thing.

Besides, who cares about numbers? And, while we are on the subject, does that number have to include blow jobs? Then, I need to change my answer.

P.S. Blogger spell check does not recognize the word sluttiness. It offers as alternatives the following: smuttiness, sultriness, lustiness. I like that. Good for Blogger. It agrees with me.


kathrynoh said...

I worked with a guy who definited sluttiness as a girl who slept wtih 2 guys in the one week! It's weird how ppl put their own rules on these things.

Sami said...

I had some experiences with this topic in high school. I knew quite a few girls who were labeled sluts and the like but were truly not. I do think most guys then believed the assertiveness and confidence they showed translated to easy especially if they had a high school boyfriend. They never realized it was the quiet chick with a select group of trusted friends (and no visible in-school boyfriend) who banged 40 guys in 4 years.

Emerald said...

I so agree with this. I have said it before, and I'll say it again — I simply don't find "slut" an insult. It doesn't make sense to me for it to be one. First, why would it be for someone else to judge how many people I have had sex with, and second, why would be insulting if the number has been comparatively high? It just truly doesn't make sense to me.