Friday, December 4, 2009

It's The Good Advice, That You Just Didn't Take

I don't know if Golf Digest is going to go through with this cover article in light of recent events. Even if they do, I think it is safe to say that President Obama should maybe avoid the advice of Tiger Woods, at least for the moment, even if it is just about golf.

On the chance they don't run the article, I decided to put together the list of 10 things Obama can learn from Tiger myself. I've always loved The Onion, so I consider this an homage. While by no means a complete list, they are the most pertinent points at this juncture. So, if you will indulge me. Because, you have to laugh, don't you?

The Top 10 Tips Obama can take from Tiger

10) Never go to bed angry. If you fight with your spouse, or even another country, always talk it out. You never know when things might escalate. Case in point: Iran.

9) Never, ever take dating advice from a guy named Jesper.

8) When puting, make sure to read the green properly before you take the shot. (there had to be one golf one, right?)

7) When texting your mistress, don't include details about your dirty dreams, especially if they involve other famous people. Save your fantasies about her and Angela Merkel for when you are face to face.

6) If forced to leave a voicemail that may later prove to be incriminating, don't start it off with, "Hey, girl, it's the President."

5) It's good to share interests with your significant other. Just stay away from boxing, karate, anything with swinging clubs . . .

4) When issuing statements about "transgressions", don't admit too much. Torture and cheating aren't really that different: they both only exist if you get caught.

3) The press can be your friend or they can set up camp in the shrubs outside your house. Always have one reporter you can count on to be favorable. I'd recommend you stay on Keith Olbermann's good side.

2) Remember that while Australia may be a small country, they sure do love their gossip. Try flying your mistress to meet you some place less obvious: like Canada.

1) All the fancy book learning in the world can't save you from the mistakes of the Little Commander-in-Chief.

Now that is advice the President can use. Thanks for putting up with my silliness. As you were.


neve black said...

Thanks, Heidi. Very funny, indeed. I was moved to comment and blog about Tiger this week also. I just shrug my shoulders and shake my head. Do you find it interesting that those that live in the spotlight always seem to be so shocked when they discover they can't dodge the real bullets in life? They're just people, like everyone else - and what confounds me more is they live their lives in the media; higher profiled than most of us do - they're what the media considers a wet dream. Hello?

Did I pontificate too much? Sorry.

Heidi Champa said...

I think you potificated just enough, Neve. ;)

We've been talking about it for days, and I just thought I needed to have a little fun with the whole situation.

Thanks for stopping by, Neve!